When Jackie Sullivan played at Bridie Molloy's on Paddy's Day, someone shouted, "Do one of your own!" Jackie says she never thought she'd hear that. She says that she practiced "failure avoidance" in the past, but she has made a commitment to herself: "I'm learning more to walk my own road. That's hard and scary, but at least it's my road. I used to look for acceptance externally, but now I'm learning to have greater acceptance from within." In conversation with Jackie, I encountered a woman who is authentic, and speaks with disarming frankness about the insecurities she has faced as she has allowed her own voice to emerge in her music.
Never effusive, Jackie is quietly excited about the fact that "lots of good things are happening." In 2001, she was the recipient of one of the M.I.A.'s New Talent Demo Awards; she's been selected to do this April's MIA Emerging Artist Tour in Arts and Culture Centres across the island along with Neal O'Leary; she'll be performing at a Juno showcase in April; she's working on her first CD and aiming for the release of a single from the CD before the tour begins. She says of the tour, "This emerging artist tour -- I never ever expected to get this. I nearly fell off the chair the day they called me. I figured I didn't have a shot at it, but I applied anyway. This is really significant for me. The tour prompted the CD because it boosted my confidence."
With Barry Canning producing, she's working on a CD, entitled "Coming Out of The Rain," a recording that will feature mostly songs that she's written. Someone asked her, "Do you really think you're out of the rain yet?" "No, but I'm coming out. I'm more grounded and the CD is symbolic of my journey. It's not over. It's not done." "There's been an evolution of my sound in the studio," she told me. "More of a pop sound for some songs. I even had to learn to sing baay'beh! That is so not me."
She frames her dreams and aspirations in the form "Will I ever?" and finds herself suspended in disbelief when she does. When Jackie opened at the Arts and Culture Centre in St. John's for The Morrisey's last year, she closed her set by saying "You never paid your money to come see me, but hopefully some day you will."
Jackie says that in her home on the Southern Shore, "music was always blasting. I remember we had this big stereo, the size of a dining room table and I'd lie down on the floor just by the speakers and listen for hours. That was my sanity. Music was such a big thing up there. I remember people coming to the house late at night, and mom and dad would haul me out of bed to sing a few songs and then I'd go on back to bed." At age 9 or 10, she got her first guitar from the Sears catalogue. " I'd never asked for one...I don't remember asking for it anyway. It was a probably a shot in the dark for them to buy and see what happened."
She had little formal music training as a child. "There was a woman in the community who taught me the chords on the guitar. I still have the sheet of paper that she hand-wrote the words on and she put the chords up above, and it was The Coat of Many Colours. That was the first song that I had lyrics and chords to that I would practice from. I would spend endless hours in my room playing and singing and trying to figure stuff out. I would come out and play the first part of Skip to My Lou and they would clap and be so delighted as if I was Dolly Parton on stage. I have tapes from when I was younger; they're comical. I remember seeing a picture of me playing in a school concert with my legs crossed playing a guitar bigger than half my body!"
She's written 5 new songs in the last year. She's felt more confident, and was motivated by the CD project. It had finally dawned on her that people listen to original material. "I did covers for years. I thought I was appeasing people. There is always a fear about putting your own songs out there. People have always called out for covers when I play, but I've not taken the initiative around my own songs. I had a warped view of promoting myself. I was afraid people would think I thought a lot of myself. I'm walking on more solid ground now."
In a blue funk in BC in 1994, she wrote It Isn't Really You. When her mother heard it, she remarked "Jackie girl, you must have been some shagged up when you wrote that!" She later sent a demo of the song to The Songwriters Association of Canada for their assessment. She got reasonable 'marks', and their comment was: "We have no idea what this song is about but then again the best songs ever written have complex meanings. But as a guess is it about a friend who has mental problems that never go away?" It's on the CD; people have told her they like the melody. Also included is a song called She's With Me, a song she wrote about her grandfather. People tell her they love it. "It's a heart-wrenching song, but it gets the most recognition." There are eight original songs on the CD, two of which are co-writes.
There's a song on the CD that Maureen Ennis and Mark Murphy gave to Jackie; she's delighted to have it. The recording features folk, pop, country and a tune with a Spanish twist. People ask her, "What stations is it going to be played on?"
Accompanying Jackie on tour is Kelly Ann Evans, lead singer with Billy & the Bruisers. Kelly Ann is doing background vocals on the CD. "The tour performance will be intimate; just her and I, keyboard and guitar. And do the female thing. We'll feature the 10 songs from the CD." Jackie approaches every new experience as a learning opportunity. "I'm going on tour and it's just an experience. It's a chance to sharpen my ability to talk to audiences and interact with them. I'm totally open to feedback. I always say, 'Tell me the truth. What do I need to do differently?'"
Keep asking questions, Jackie. It's working for you. Thanks for a warm, honest interview.